1. Know this: that I support our powerful SUVs, our Bill of Rights and our faith in Jesus.466379736
  2. When I’m elected, I’ll make sure pot smokers and suicide bombers can’t sabotage our delicious apple pies.184345263
  3. Your supporters know that I believe in our fast food chains, our precious schools and our brave police force.164923152
  4. The opponent is conspiring with Monsanto cronies, Chilean miners and Colombians.179282835
  5. I will not stand for an America where al-Qaeda insurgents and pharmaceutical companies can take away our cherished national parks.143922655
  6. My supporters know that I will protect our founding fathers’ dreams, our precious environment and our reality TV shows.130406519
  7. I will not stand for an America where shifty Canadians and reckless bankers can take away our McMansions.